那片笑声让我想起我的那些花儿
在我生命每个角落静静为我开着
我曾以为我会永远守在她身旁
今天我们已经离去在人海茫茫
她们都老了吧 她们在哪里呀
我们就这样，各自奔天涯
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦，想她
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦
她还在开吗
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦，去呀
她们已经被风吹走 散落在天涯
有些故事还没讲完那就算了吧
那些心情在岁月中已经难辨真假
如今这里荒草丛生没有了鲜花
好在曾经拥有你们的春秋和冬夏
她们已经被风吹走 散落在天涯
她们都老了吧 她们还在开吗
我们就这样 各自奔天涯
so beautiful 
this was how i spent my new year eve in 2011.
certainly one of the things which i will miss about chiangmai
随着年龄的增长，忘记的，和想念的人与事越来越多。有些回忆短暂的像场梦，但却深深的烙印在心灵的某深处。越见朦胧的画面、逐渐淡化的情绪，却仍是抹不掉的思念。
原来忘记和思念可以同步进行。
有时候，自我牺牲或自以为是的为别人好其实是种自私的表现。
如果自己无法释怀，反而会在某种程度上将责任推到对方的身上。或许对方不完全无责任，可是该付最大的责任的人其实是自己。
Because nobody is responsible for how you feel.
我常常抱怨、常发牢骚，可是到头来其实几乎所有的不快乐都是自找的。我还是要说，我是犯贱的。这点我改不掉，又或者是，我没认真尝试、也没下定决心要改。
我不伟大，所以我常常失望。
我会为你的开心而开心，但我还是个希望得到肯定的人。所以当我得不到肯定的时候，我就怨天尤人。但我做的每件事都是自己的选择，既然是自己选择的，后果不论怎样，都得自己负责。但我不伟大， 所以我失望。
或许一次又一次的失望和灰心将重重地打击我的信念，或许“责任”是个让人畏惧的字眼，但每次在失望之后尝试对自己的情绪负责任却出乎意料地让我好过点。因为怨别人其实是个比自己承担责任更累人更不好受的事。
因为我改变不了别人，所以怨别人改变不了什么，也不会让事情好转。但我改变的了自己，至少改变的了自己的心态，而心态能改变每件事的意义。
我会自以为是的为别人好，但我得学会不要怨别人把这当作理所当然。
因为他们的理所当然是可以理所当然的。
我不伟大，所以我得学会不要装伟大。
人是奇怪的动物。
和人接触真的是累人啊。
我真的很讨厌别人assume，因为我看到太多的不愉快和不满就是因为从assume开始的。
人真会演戏啊。
好可怕。
还有，my threshold for insults and suanings have dipped to a new low.
I don’t know why either.
But I don’t find them funny anymore.
And I’m tired of it.
Kinda 自找 that nobody takes me seriously now.
Okay so here is it: I want to be taken seriously.
I’m not your clown.
Bye!
Last day of school yesterday, and it actually felt like holiday for a week or so already. It was a very tiring and busy semester I would say, but no doubt enriching, and honestly enjoyable in many ways. Along the way, I made countless complaints, a whole lot of whining, especially on my twitter haha. So those poor followers would have to get used to my mood swings and down times. But I really felt like I learnt things, made new friends, and grew to be able to cope with stress better. Not that I really had a choice. I just had to make it and deal with it. Haha.
I’m really glad that I’m in an awesome class. People of all ages and backgrounds, but it’s all good. I really think I wouldn’t have made it smoothly if not for the class which brings me smiles and laughter everyday.
可爱的TG3。我喜欢大家的笑容，好灿烂啊。
连老师都陪我们一起疯，把窦哥扛起来。哈哈哈。
大家好好放假去，明年见！
another thing to learn at the top of my list:
take things with a pinch of salt.
sugar, pepper. whatever.
just don’t let things affect you.
at least not THAT easily.
如何寻找自信？
我发现，其实很多困扰和烦恼，产生于自己没有自信。
－别人和我开玩笑，我当真了。因为其实我也是那么看自己的。
－别人生我的气了。是我哪里做错了吗？还是我这个人真的就不讨人喜欢。
－别人对我不耐烦了。是因为我笨吗？听不懂你们说的话？
－别人笑我。是因为我好欺负吗？我为什么会那么好欺负？
－别人和我没什么话好说。是因为我闷吗？是因为我没有深度吗？
因为没有自信，所以会对自己产生各种质疑。
因为没有自信，所以我总是容易被别人影响。
似乎发生的很多事，我都会把矛头指向自己。
结果别人原本没那个意思，我却小心眼的看在眼里了。
And eventually these doubts made me delve in self-pity.
如何才能找到自信？
得成功吗？
我没有梦想，又如何衡量成功呢？
I don’t know.
我似乎把生活的重心放在很多地方。
一言以蔽之，就是没有重心。
有些人根本没有像你那么在乎他们，又何必让他们羁绊你呢？
我真的得学会大方一点。
学会看轻很多事，学会在乎真正应该在乎的人。
我不知道这是否是ＥＱ的一种。或许自己真的不够ＥＱ吧。
怎么会让种种小事，或是和自己无关的事影响自己的心情呢？
心情不好，结果得罪人的人还是自己。
有时因为太在乎，反而把一些感情弄僵了。是自作孽吧。
不在意，不影响心情，不得罪人，不就很好吗？
为什么总是做不到。
我只知道，我该做的第一件事，就是得更努力。
努力学做更好的人..
那天，我用凌乱的笔迹将愿望写在孔明灯上。
点起了烛火，燃起了那一点希望。
我的视线紧跟随着缓缓上升的孔明灯，
那星火越飘越小，最后消失在无际的夜空。
原来我竟傻傻地等待。
把希望寄托在愿望上，其实跟你用两块钱买一个希望没两样。
self-centered.
fly.
change.
fear.
hatred.
silence.
suppressed.
baileys.
deadlines.
pawn.
fool.
gullible.
laughter.
happiness.
tears.
hide.
thankful for the lovely boy.
for helping me understand myself more.
i guess as i grow older, i appear to be more oblivious but deep down, it’s going the other way round.
i’m just running away.
i fear.
sometimes i guess i’m secretly jealous of people.
to the extent of being bitter.
that is why i guess i hate people not feeling satisfied with what they have, because i don’t even have what you have, that simple thing. very simple.
but i guess people are never satisfied. even if i’m the most blissful person now, i would probably still be unsatisfied.
i don’t even need god damn money to be happy. i don’t even need a goal to be happy.
i’m happy in some ways. some.
maybe i’m not putting in enough effort to make things work.
because it never works.
not without any sacrifices.
and not a sacrifice which i wish to make.
maybe you think i should stop complaining about life.
maybe i really should.
or maybe i’m just being a little bit more honest than you.
or maybe you don’t even know me, do you?
i just don’t have the guts to be happy.
